Pages

Saturday, 4 September 2021

The End Is Here

I don't know how many times I've heard this in my life, but I've heard it a lot. There's been so many predictions about the end of the world in the past, that people barely pay attention to it now. They scoff whenever they hear someone say: "The end is near." Or "The world is going go end." And rightfully so. People should not set a date on when the world is going to end. I mean, how would they know? But the truth of the matter is, that the world will some day end. 

But before I get into that, there is the reality of our lives coming to an end when we die. It could end today or tomorrow, or a month from now. And we don't seem to really think about dying unless confronted with it, right? Either by a relative or friend passing away, or maybe even being on our own deathbed. So when we do think of dying, we ask ourselves some questions like, "What happens when I die?" or "Does heaven and hell exist?" or "Is there really life after death?" Those are some very good questions. And most people can agree that they believe our souls continue on after we die. Whether they believe in Jesus and heaven or not, it's hard to imagine yourself just not existing after death. We can sense that our souls are eternal. 

In my opinion, I think dying is something that we should really take seriously, because it is inevitable. How can we not think about it? Let's say the 80+ years that we live is a small dot on a very long line that represents eternity. How is it that we are more focused on the small dot? What about eternity? I mean it's a pretty serious thing to think about. So I choose to think about what will happen to my soul when I die and I believe that heaven and hell exist. And the Bible describes both Heaven and Hell the following way: Heaven is a place where there is no sorrow or pain. A place of peace and joy. And beauty unlike we've ever seen. Heaven is also where Jesus is. Hell is a place of eternal fire and judgment; God's judgment. 

Now besides dying, the Bible talks about a time, in the end, when there will be difficult times like never before. And according to some calculations and the way the world is right now (signs), it seems that time is around the corner. It is a time of difficulty, where there will be war, and famine, and plagues. But it'll be way worse than we can imagine. The Bible gives details in the book of Revelation about exactly what will happen. It's also known as 'the end times'. 

Even if you believe this world we live in won't end Apocalypse style, your world (life) will end at some point. And it could be any minute of any day. If you get scared when you think of dying, that means you don't know where you're going. It's something you should start to consider. 

The Bible says, the only way to get to Heaven is through accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. I bet you're wondering, "Why do we need a saviour?" Well, you see, sin entered this world when Adam and Eve were deceived by the Devil in the garden of Eden. When sin entered the world, the results were disease, destruction, deception and death to name a few. And because of sin, mankind fell and became separated with its Creator/God. Each human was born with a sinful nature since Adam, and because God is holy, we could no longer be with Him. But God had a plan, He sent His Son, Jesus, to bring us back together to Him. His Son had to pay a price for the Sin that entered the world, and when He paid the price with His own life, we were washed clean from sin. 

So you have to admit that you're a sinner and that is why you need a Saviour. You have to believe in Jesus and the price He paid on the cross for you. Then accept Him as your Lord and Saviour. Live a life of repentance. Know that you are dependent on God's grace and mercy every day. But most importantly, know that "God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting/eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." John 3:16-17

If you truly, honestly believe that you are a miserable, wretched person and nothing in this world satisfies you or makes you happy, then you can be saved. God can't save someone who thinks that they are good or righteous, or someone who is satisfied with what this world has to offer. If you understand sin and the impact it has on your soul, you can pray to God to save you through His Son, Jesus. Ask Him to open your eyes and to get to know Him more. Get a Bible and start reading. It is never too late, because Jesus can forgive you.

There is no other way to Heaven but through Jesus. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. And once you realise and truly understand what He did on the cross for you, you will come to love Him. And we love, because He first loved us. 

Saturday, 11 April 2020

My Faith Renewed

This is a personal short story about my renewed faith. I wanted to write this to encourage anyone who feels anxious or like nothing makes sense. Or maybe you're looking for more in life. I hope and pray that this helps. I'm not a qualified theologian, this is just what I've learned...

As a child I went to Sunday School every now and then, depending on when my parents or my older siblings took me. I had a red children's Bible that I loved, that had stories of Jonah, Noah, Jesus, etc. But my family didn't live like Christians. Then when I was 9, we moved to Cape Town, and I think one of my mom's friends invited us to church. That's when my life changed. I really got to know Jesus, I gave Him my heart and got baptized. I had some of the best days of my life in that church, such good memories.

Then I turned 23 and wanted to go my own way. I told everyone around me that I wasn't growing in that church, and that I wanted to look for another church. I wanted to choose my own church to go to. I took a few Sundays off from going to church, telling myself that I went for SO many years, that I deserved a break. I ended up never going to church again. 

I still believed in Jesus, but I wanted to live my life how I wanted. I got a job overseas where I met my husband, and lived my life how I wanted to. But I slowly started dying spiritually, and I grieved the Holy Spirit. I still prayed to the Lord, but I lived a sinful life. Even though I was happy on the outside, I was miserable on the inside. Nothing satisfied me anymore, nothing I did brought me happiness. And I tried to turn my life back, but it was very hard for me because something was blocking me. 

My husband and I worked overseas for six years, and decided that we're not going back this year. And this is how I know that the Lord is faithful; I know that through the 8 years since I left the church, that He kept His hand over me. I saw it all the time. We drove thousands of miles overseas, and had a few close accidents, but the Lord always protected us. He guided me, I made wrong decisions, but all the big ones I know He made for me. And this was one of them. Something inside me just said that we weren't going overseas this year. It wasn't an easy decision, because the money was overseas, but I never let money rule my life. 

I had so much free time since we got back from overseas, but I never spent any of it reading the Bible or praying. I tried praying and making time for the Lord, but I couldn't get myself to do it. As if something was holding me back. I prayed for things, but it was always brief, and only for things that I wanted or needed; it was very self-centered.

Then this year started out very rough. We got a new puppy that got very sick, and I spent sleepless nights over him. I prayed for him for healing, and I believe the Lord healed him because he fully recovered from a rare virus he had. Even the vet said he was baffled by it. In between that, I was looking for a job, but I knew that my puppy was too young to be left with my parents, so I wasn't in a hurry to find a job yet, until he was a bit more mature and easy to handle.

Then came the virus in 2020. Along with everyone else, fear gripped me. I was so anxious about getting sick, and my parents getting sick, but I knew not to fear because the Bible tells us so. So I tried not to panic. I read the book of Revelations though, because something was telling me that I might find the answer for what is happening in there. I have a Bible that explains the verses, but I still didn't understand what I read. 

Then on the night of the 23rd of March, I watched a video of a guy talking about everything going on, and that it was all planned. Whether that's true or not, I went to bed questioning everything that was happening around me. 

The next morning I woke up nauseous with a tummy ache. I've never had a feeling like it in my life. I rushed over to my mom where I burst out crying because the things that are happening, are not a coincidence. I realised that it could very well be the end of life as we knew it, and if it was the end - I wasn't ready. I realised that I wasted so many years of my life trying to live my way, instead of the right way - the way that my Creator wanted me to live. That's when that thing that blocked me just lifted, and I could see very clearly everything around me. I knew I had to repent, and turn back to Jesus before it was too late. Since I did that, I've felt satisfied and happy again - complete. In the midst of all the chaos, I have perfect peace because of Jesus Christ.

I know that things won't ever be the same again, and that we are living in the last days. There's so much evidence, and everyone who believes, know that the Rapture is imminent. For anyone who doesn't believe in the Rapture - it means that there will be a moment in time in the near future, where a whole bunch of people are going to disappear. The world will make up some or other reason for it, but I'm telling you the reason now - the Rapture is the day Jesus comes to fetch His bride (the church). It's not too late for you to join the bride.

But for those who aren't taken up with the Rapture, just know that if you accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, you will be saved. It's never too late. After the 7 year tribulation (this is going to be a very hard time), Jesus is coming back, this time every eye will see Him on the clouds. He is coming back to make everything right again. There will be no more sorrow, no more hunger, no more pain, no crime, just peace. He will make right what the devil did in the Garden of Eden, when he misled Eve and caused her to sin.

Believe me, I know that it sounds crazy, but all Jesus asks of us is to believe in Him. Believe that He died on the cross for your sin, and that He rose again. Repent and Believe in Him, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. He loves us so much, and He wants all of us to have eternal life. Since that moment of awakening, I've also started to really study the book of Revelation with the help of https://www.discoverrevelation.com/ website. If Revelation is too much at first, maybe read the New Testament in the Bible first to understand what it means to be a Christian.

Love & Blessings

Thursday, 27 February 2020

That Time My Puppy Almost Died

This is kind of a long story, but just bear with me!

Getting a puppy is so exciting; his soft little body bouncing around, so cute and cuddly. My husband and I were over the moon the day we picked up our new seven week old puppy from the shelter on January 3rd this year, one day after his first vaccination, and nothing could've broken our spirits. He was the cutest little ball of fur on four legs in the world (still is). He has black fur with tan on his face, chest and legs, and he had blue eyes when we first got him, but they've changed since. We named him Zeus because of the blue eyes.

The first week was amazing; he was experiencing new things and making us laugh with his wobbly walking and he loved picking up things twice his size and running off with them. The best part of it was that he slept a lot during the day so we could cuddle with him...not so much at night - he was awake every two hours to go potty - we felt like we just had a baby. It was hectic.
I'm going to add in here that people don't realise this with puppies, but they are a lot of work. We were those people but luckily we didn't mind putting in the work, and luckily I don't work because what happened next took all my time and energy.

The day we got him, I noticed he had fleas, but it was the weekend and our vet was closed, so we waited until Monday to get treatment. We got Revolution and applied it that morning, the next morning, he vomited up a worm; it was gross. We got him from a shelter and they said that they had de-wormed him the Tuesday before, but told us to de-worm him again because his siblings had worms in their feces. So since Revolution is also for worms, the vet told us to wait until Friday for actual de-worming medicine. That Friday morning, exactly one week since we got him, he threw up ten - yes TEN - worms. The fact that I didn't vomit was a miracle. We took him to the vet, they checked him out and gave him the de-wormer and we returned home. This is where things really turned south. Over the next few days he pooped out probably between thirty and fifty worms; which was good because they were coming out, but poor baby. The worms he had called Roundworms, feed off their partially digested food before the nutrients are absorbed, so he must have been very malnourished. 

But then that Sunday, nine days after we got him, we woke up and found that he was very lethargic, wouldn't eat or drink water and had a fever. He was eight weeks old and we haven't even taken out Pet Insurance for him yet. My husband was getting ready to leave for commercial diving training for three months. I kept an eye on Zeus throughout that day and took his temperature rectally and it was 39.4C, which meant a definite fever. I was scared. I strongly considered taking him to the vet, but my family convinced me that it wasn't necessary and that I was probably overreacting, so I left it. I kept taking his temperature, but only under his arm which with dogs isn't very accurate, but he cried when we inserted it rectally, so I didn't have a choice, but at least it was an indication. According to google, you have to add one degree to his temperature if you take it under his arm. Midnight his fever was at 40.6C, I ran to my dad and told him that I think I should take him to the vet, my dad told me to relax and that a dog's temperature has to be very high for something to happen, so I googled again and found that a cold wet cloth on his ears and paws would help, but to be careful not to bring his temperature down too quick. I stayed awake for a while longer, I couldn't sleep, not yet. 

It was 1:30am Monday morning when he started shaking and convulsing in his sleep. His mouth was opening and closing as if he was chewing gum and his legs were contracting - I just knew it was a seizure and it was a nightmare to witness. I called my dad, who was still awake, and told him that Zeus was having a seizure. My dad rushed over and I phoned the 24-hour vet who was half an hour drive away. I explained to them what just happened, he thought maybe it was a seizure caused by low blood sugar since Zeus hadn't eaten that much that day and told me to give him a teaspoon of honey. While I'm on the phone with the vet, I picked Zeus up to drink water and he couldn't even stand up, so I put him back on the bed. Then he started crying, he was so shocked and disoriented and probably didn't feel too good. So the vet suggested the honey and then if he doesn't get better, to bring him in. My puppy was crying and the vet is telling me to monitor him. I was very panicked, so I told the vet that I would be bringing my puppy in right away, there was no time for monitoring. As I got ready to take him, I tried honey but we couldn't get his mouth open. I couldn't waste any more time, so we got in the car and rushed to the vet.

Finally got to the vet; felt like the longest drive of my life. Zeus was drooling excessively at this point, which happens after seizures. I had to wait, because he was busy with another dog and there was only one vet on duty, and let me tell you it was the longest wait of my life. After probably fifteen minutes, he saw us. Took Zeus' temperature and confirmed a fever at 40.3C, then tested his blood sugar, which turned out fine, then tested him for Parvo which is a dangerous disease in dogs, but it tested negative. So he gave him four injections, one for nausea, one antibiotic, a steroid and something else. Then he gave me the option to leave him there on a drip or take him home and if he doesn't eat by noon that day, I should take him to my vet near me and they should put him on a drip. I chose the later because I figured it's better if he is with me, but in hindsight I should've let him stayed there that night. Because the decision I made probably cost us more money and you'll see why.

I got to bed at 4am Monday morning. It was brutal. I woke up around 8am and phoned my vet to tell them what had happened and to make an appointment for noon in case he doesn't eat. They suggested I bring him in at 8:30am so they could monitor him throughout the day. That sounded like such a good idea at the time, so I took him over there for the day. At one o'clock I phoned to ask how he was and asked when I could pick him up, they said 4pm. When I got there, they informed me that according to their observation, Zeus was fine and that he ate the food they gave him (which was wet cat food from a tin), so I took him home. I cooked him some chicken the day before to get him to eat, so I had some left over for Monday night, but he barely ate any of it, which was weird because dogs love chicken. He also barely drank water. So of course I still felt that something was wrong.

The next day he still wouldn't eat the chicken or drink water, so I asked my mom to pick up a can of that delicious cat food they gave him the day before when they said that he apparently ate like a little piggy. The nurse at the vet gave my mom such a hard time that they ended up arguing because the nurse said my puppy was spoiled and that there was nothing wrong with him and that dogs play sick so they could sleep on the bed - yes my puppy sleeps on my bed. My mom was so upset when she got home, at least she got one can of the food. I took the cat food and mixed it with his regular food and he would pick the cat food out of the bowl. He wouldn't eat chicken, but he ate the cat food, but somehow it was my fault that he wouldn't eat. Meanwhile he only ate their food because it was so delicious and he couldn't resist. He was still very much sick and still wouldn't drink much water.

The next day (Wednesday) his ears were swollen but he didn't shake them excessively, and I could just see he wasn't well. He was at least eating his food mixed with the cat food. I phoned the vet to ask if they could just take his temperature, because I've been struggling to take it to make sure he didn't have a fever. He felt warm and the image of him having a seizure was still very much fresh in my mind. So they said I could bring him in. I just want to add in here that every time I got to this vet, they made me feel like I was paranoid and overreacting. It was horrible. So the doctor checked him out and said that everything was fine, I had nothing to worry about, and he did have a bit of a fever but she said it was because he was excited to see everyone. So I should've been happy, right? Wrong!

The next morning he had a swollen eye. I mean you can't make this stuff up. By this time we had spent about R3,000 on this new puppy and that excludes his adoption fee and the new bed and stuff we got him. This particular morning with his swollen eye, I couldn't get through to the vet. So after phoning probably ten times, I got in my car and drove there. When I got there I told them that he didn't want to eat the chicken that morning either and that he was very restless that night and it sounded like he had a cold. So they took him to the back to check him out, then called me back there to watch him eat their irresistible tin of cat food. It was a joke. The vet checked him out and said that she couldn't really look at his eye because of the swelling, so I have to take him home and come back later or the next day so they could examine.

Two o'clock that afternoon, I sent them a picture of his eye, it had a blue cloudy appearance and was opening up. They told me to give him some of the Petcam they gave me to take home, and then come once it's open enough to examine. So an hour later I went over there, greeted by an obvious 'you again' attitude. The nurse that had an argument with my mom barely spoke to me. They put some yellow drops in his eye to see if he had an ulcer, but the vet couldn't figure out what it was, she had to leave the room a few times to go read up on it. Finally she came back and said his whole eye was an ulcer. Now, an ulcer is like a sore on the cornea of the eye from something either poking or scratching the eye or if a chemical is spilled in the eye, like shampoo. Since his whole eye was an ulcer, she said it had to be chemicals. I told her that nothing spilled in his eye, he didn't have a bath since last Saturday, and unless he got it from the garden, it was impossible. She gave me eye drops and off I went. 

His eye just got worse, the swelling was better, but the blue cloudiness was much worse. Then that night it seemed to me like his other eye was also starting. The next morning his other eye was definitely also forming the blue cloudiness, so I sent them a picture and they called for me to bring him in early that afternoon. Finally they were taking me serious. I took him in, they checked him out and a totally different doctor came and told me that I need to take him to go see an eye specialist, because they couldn't figure out what it was, and that it's not an ulcer because it doesn't affect both eyes. Which I knew because nothing spilled in my puppy's eyes! That was the last time they saw me.

That afternoon something else happened, which to this day we can't explain. After his vet visit, he peed everywhere in the house, every half an hour. It was weird because he wasn't drinking water, but I was putting chicken broth in his food. So we kept an eye on it, there was no blood in his urine and he was still a happy puppy, with only one exception - he wouldn't drink water. 
The next day he was still not drinking water and when he peed four times in half an hour, I phoned another vet nearby. They were happy to help and told me to bring him in immediately cause he might be dehydrated. They checked him out, gave him an injection with antibiotics, an awesome drink called Oralade that helps dogs re-hydrate, and some canned food to help him recover as well. 
She did tell us however, that if he doesn't drink that stuff or any water, that he could have rabies and there is no cure, but when we got home he couldn't drink enough of that stuff. The results were immediate, he was so full of energy and almost his old self. We did take some of his urine in the next day for testing and he didn't have any bladder infection either.

I took Zeus to the eye specialist one week later for his appointment. His left eye was completely cloudy, his right eye just slightly. The eye specialist narrowed it down to an Adenovirus and referred me to the Internal Medicine Specialist. Of course I googled Adenovirus when I got home and was so worried about Zeus and this potential virus that he has. The earliest appointment I could get with the other specialist was the next Monday. It felt like the longest weekend ever not knowing what is actually wrong with my puppy, he was practically blind in his left eye. It was horrible. So Monday arrived and we took him in, after telling the doctor everything, he told me that after talking with the eye specialist and everything else that happened, he suspects Infectious Canine Hepatitis (ICH) which is a type of Adenovirus and it's a very scarce disease in dogs that affect their liver specifically. So he kept him for testing for a few hours. We took him home and waited for the test results. In the meantime we were still putting eye drops in, but he was fit as a fiddle and eating and drinking. 

Finally about two weeks later, we got the test results back and he tested positive for type-1 ICH. The results showed however that nothing else was wrong, there was no liver damage, which is something that Hepatitis is known for, no kidney damage and his immune system was good. The doctor said that dogs that he's seen with the virus, never pulls through and the fact that Zeus was healthy was a miracle. I told him that we prayed for this little puppy's full recovery so hard that it is the only explanation as to why he pulled through. I believe that with all my heart, because there is no medicine to cure this virus, it either works itself out or the dog dies.

I've wanted to return to my old vet so many times to tell them that it turns out my puppy that they said was 'fine' and 'spoiled' actually had a very scarce and dangerous virus living in his little body that could've killed him. He fought very hard against it and our prayers pulled him through. Zeus was such a trooper that at times he did seem normal, but not to me. I knew he wasn't fine because I saw him every second of the day and knew he wasn't normal at home. They are professionals and should've known better.

It has now been five weeks since he first got sick and his left eye which was basically blind, is pretty much completely fine. He had a follow up with the eye specialist and she said that since he is young, his eye could potentially heal 100% which I fully believe it will. There is still some cloudiness, but very, very little. He has to go for a follow-up liver test in three months, because the doctor says that they haven't studied many dogs with this virus (since it's so scarce) that they can't say how his liver will do in the long run, so they just want to keep an eye on it. I just have to keep an eye out for signs that would show liver failure.

Just yesterday Zeus started with puppy classes and I'm so excited for this little pups future. He is such a blessing to us, but, yes there is a but, if you're not willing to spend a lot of time and a lot of money on a dog, don't get one. When we got Zeus we had no idea we would end up spending R15,000 on him within the first three weeks that we had him, but we had to. Yes some of it unnecessary because of an incompetent vet. We do also blame the shelter for what happened, because they don't protect the puppies enough from viruses especially the ones that are taken away from their mother at four or five weeks old before their immune system has a chance to properly build. If we didn't have savings, I honestly don't know what we would've done.


Monday, 26 June 2017

12 Things That Make You Realise You're an Adult

They say you are as old as you feel - this is true - because no one ever really feels old. What I mean by this is: it's been ten years since I graduated from school - ten years! - but I honestly don't feel my age. I still feel like I'm eighteen-years-old except I'm a bit wiser now and for quite some time now I've realised that I'm an adult and I have to do adult-things. And here are some of the things that brought me to this realisation:

1. Flossing. I know everyone is supposed to floss because it's good for your teeth, but I never did until a recent visit with my dentist. For the first time in a long time he told me that I should start flossing to avoid some serious issues. And I have been flossing ever since! And all it does (besides keeping my teeth healthy) is make me feel like an adult. Like this is it.

2. New Friendships. You realise that making friends is hard. All my close friends are friends I made in school - it was easy back then. And ever since my school days, whenever I try to make friends, it never works out no matter how much I want it to. I've learned that no matter how much you want to be friends with someone; they might not want to be friends with you. And I honestly never thought it would be this hard.

3. Buying groceries. All kids have to worry about when going to the grocery store is getting your mom or dad to buy you sweets! As an adult you have to worry what's for lunch and dinner and look at prices and compare which brands are cheaper! As a kid I never thought about everything that goes into one meal. Like Spaghetti - it's not just mince and spaghetti, there is also onions, tomato paste, a bologna sauce, salt & pepper etc. And the same goes for every meal...there's so much more to grocery shopping than I always thought!

4. Trust. It is harder to trust people for some reason. I think when you grow up you realise that nothing is as solid as it seems. And you even lose trust in simple things. For example I loved carnivals as a kid and I loved going on the rides. Now I'm too scared and I don't like the feeling of going upside down or too high up. Same with swimming in the ocean - as a kid it wasn't worried about sharks as much as I am now because now I know the risks.

5. Work. Duh. Even though I know I need a job to make a living, I hate working. All I want to do is chill all day long if I could. Watch series, swim, read, sleep, write and just do whatever I want to do. (side note: never take your job for granted because chilling all day long is not as great as it seems).

6. Cleaning. I know as a kid your parents made you clean your room or if you spilled something, but as an adult cleaning is what you do all day long (or that's how it feels). Keeping the kitchen clean or the floor or the dishes is a constant struggle, especially for someone like me who can't deal with filth. Sometimes, even as an adult, I have to remind myself to not let it get to me too much.

7. Paying bills. The reason we have to work. This is something no one can dodge as they get older along with filing your taxes.

8. Being nice. As an adult you have to be nice to other people, even if it's fake, you have to show it. This one sucks especially because no one likes being fake (I know I don't!) but for example when you work with someone you don't like and you have to engage with them every day, then for the most part you will be fake. Maybe you're having a bad day and you're in a bad mood, sucks to be you because you can't take it out on people around you, so you act nice.

9. Excitement. We lose it mostly. Nothing ever really excites us anymore; probably because we worry too much? Or have a lot to think about? Whatever the reason, it's hard to come by. I hope that whatever situation you find yourself in mentally and emotionally, you'll still look for a bit of excitement in life; whatever shape it may take!

10. No Imagination. I remember as a kid I used to have the biggest imagination, but now I can hardly imagine anything. I'm busy writing a fiction book and it takes a massive amount of concentration for me to imagine the fictitious world I've created in my mind. But I believe imagination plays a big part in how you see your future, without it you can't dream as big.

11. Bad Memory. The older we get the harder it is to remember stuff. I used to be able to smell something and if it's a place I've been before or something I've used before, it would take me back to that time; but now it doesn't happen as often as it used to.

12. Driving. You kind of start to hate it. I remember when I first got my license, all I wanted to do was drive around and I jumped at every opportunity to drive to the store for my parents. Now as an adult I hate driving to the store or anywhere for that matter. Sometimes I'll want to take a drive and I'll enjoy the driving experience, but most of the time that's not the case. So funny how things change.

I think we can all agree that there are more than 12 things that make us an adult, but I'll save those for part 2!

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Just the Right Amount of Expectation

One of the biggest issues we face in life is having high expectations about someone or something, and then instead all you get is disappointment. And no matter how many times you hear the expression 'expect nothing, appreciate everything', you struggle to understand and adopt that principle.

When I first got into a relationship my aunt's only advice was: "expect nothing". This baffled me in a big way because how do you expect nothing from someone - especially when it's someone you love or who loves you? We all have certain standards and expectations for ourselves and you automatically have those expectations from others. It's how we were made.

I recall that I used to live by that principle when I was younger - to expect nothing - because I told myself I would be happier and probably because i didn't have a very good self-esteem. I remember telling my sister this and in return got a very stern reply; she told me that it's not a very healthy way to live your life; not emotionally at least because you downgrade yourself to think you are not worthy.

At some point in my life I started having expectations again; I guess as I got older and started caring what others thought. So much so that now I'm constantly disappointed in people and in life. And I'm at a point where I'm asking myself the question: how do I expect nothing and appreciate everything in life?

I expect so many things from people around me; I expect people to care about the rules and I expect people to care about the work I do and the effort I make and I expect my boyfriend to behave a certain way. I expect people to consider the environment or to care about animals like I do.

In reality people don't seem to care about anything. They don't care about the rules, they don't care about the work, they don't care about the environment or animals because they've been raised differently or view the world differently or they are just tired of caring. And it's not wrong if they do it that way, it's just that maybe I need to separate myself from other people's viewpoints and not allow it to affect me. As long as I know what I believe and that at least I try.

I've had my fair share of disappointments from friends, family and colleagues in life and each time I've learnt a valuable lesson that has helped me to be a stronger person. I've learnt that sometimes being too close to friends can be toxic; I've learnt that no matter how much you want to help someone or be there for them or be nice to them; sometimes it's just not good enough. And not because you're a bad person or not worthy, but because they are self-centered, unappreciative and care only about themselves.

I think a big part of life is relationships and what to expect. I'm in a happy relationship, but I won't lie that I'm disappointed from time to time. And not because he disappoints or is a bad person or doesn't care, but because I expect too much. I want to be hugged and kissed 24/7 and I want to be his number one priority 365 days of the year. I want to be the only person he thinks of and gives attention to. But is that even real? Or possible? Maybe it is, but expecting that is setting yourself up for disappointment.

There is no doubt that men and women are different when it comes to these things. And the sooner us ladies except that men are different, the better for us. I've learnt to appreciate the little things - and of course the big things - but just all the things he does to show he loves me and cares for me. Because frankly no guy will buy flowers every weekend or pay for dinner every time or hold the door for you everywhere you go. Not because he is a bad boyfriend/husband, but because keeping that up is hard. And I don't expect my boyfriend to do things just because it is the universal 'image' that men have to uphold. I'm a strong woman who can open the door for myself and pay for our dinner at times and I don't let flowers indicate how much he loves me. Because I know he does. Because I can see it in his eyes and in the little things.

In the end I would rather have some expectation of people and of life; but never too much expectation. Just a healthy amount of expectation. And if you have expectations of someone and they end up hurting you; then it's time to re-evaluate your friendship/relationship; not lower your expectations. Because at the end of the day people are able to give 100% of themselves IF they care enough about something or someone.

Friday, 19 December 2014

My American Experience

I just got back in South Africa after nine months working for a travelling carnival in America. The experience was amazing and interesting and hard all at the same time. However, this post is not about the carnival experience, it's about America. Specifically how different America is to South Africa.

I'm not entirely sure where to start and by this time it's hard to distinguish the difference since i lived there for nine months. By now it almost all seems normal, but I'm sure I'll be able to point out the differences.

(Note: I only visited states in the North-East and a few in the South - Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia, Florida and South Carolina)

In South Africa we tend to lock all our doors - especially car doors when we go shopping. Well guess what, in America you don't have to! Well unless you're in some dodgy ghetto place, but otherwise you can leave your car unlocked when you go shopping and when you come back you'll find it will still be there and your belongings in it. And this is just a fact. It is just safer - people don't steal over there. It is pretty awesome to live very care-free in that sense.

Our number one store that we went to was Walmart mainly because it has everything that you may need and since we were with the carnival and they supplied us with transport, we had one Walmart trip a week. Walmart is known for a place where common people hang out (like those emails with people's butts hanging out and stuff) but it's not like that where we went.
One thing about Walmart is how massive it is and you can buy literally anything there - furniture, mattresses, clothes, food, phones (you can even get your cellphone contract there), TV, hunting gear, guns, paint, toiletries, medicine, flowers, plants, etc. They have it all.
Paying at Walmart is also different; you swipe your own card at the register when you pay (actually most places in America are like this) and then at times there's the option to use the self-service checkout. You scan your own items and pack your own items; there's a scale that weighs the items as you pack them in the bag and that's how the system knows you're bagging your items. And you can pay card or even cash. There's someone to assist when something goes wrong, but mostly it's all you. And it is weird. But in America it's feasible because people don't steal.

In South Africa the only place that can possibly compare to Walmart is Game - but to be honest, it's not even close. And besides Walmart we've been to Sam's Club (which is like Makro - you also have to have a card to shop there), Publix (like Woolworths Food), Kroger (also Woolworths) and there's a grocery store called Piggly Wiggly - it's mostly in the Southern and Midwestern parts of America - it's like a regular Checkers or Pick 'n Pay - other than Piggly Wiggly, there is no grocery store i've been to that is like Checkers or Pink 'n Pay, most of them are like Woolworths. Then there's this one place we went to called Mariano's Fresh Market when we were in Arlington Heights, amazing store! They have the best sandwiches and wraps and sushi for lunch. We loved that store a whole lot!
There are a lot more grocery stores in America than in South Africa. Our grocery stores are Pick n Pay, Checkers, Woolworths, Spar and Game. In America they have all the above mentioned plus a whole lot more (K-Mart for example), then they also have Family Dollar, Dollar Tree and Dollar General which are their very cheap stores - like a mini Walmart.

I did have one experience in a Mexican grocery store when we were in Franklin Park. I didn't know what was going on inside, luckily they had the creamer i was looking for! Everything else was very Mexican.

I have to note there are obviously more grocery stores in America than what I've been to, this is just my experience. I haven't been to a lot of stores to be honest. If you don't have your own transport, it's a bit more difficult to get around. 

Clothes shopping in America is pretty normal; we bought most of our clothes at Walmart obviously. Other clothing stores I've been to is Old Navy (like Woolworths), TJ Max (reminds me of YDE in a way), Target (which is Walmart but better quality and a little more expensive) and Kohl's (is like Edgars but much bigger). Oh and I've been to a Victoria's Secret! It's so pretty.

Then they have this really awesome store called Bath and Body Works - they have such amazing fragrances and things you can buy. It's almost like the Body Shop, but not quite the same. 

Food in America is very different (in my opinion). I think South Africa has better food - just more flavour and stuff. Their restaurant food isn't always that great. For example Cracker Barrel has good breakfasts but not supper; well let me put it this way. Americans eat green beans way different than we do and for some reason to me it doesn't always taste that good. I love green beans and there were time where i couldn't even finish my green beans. And it's also strange that they serve green beans as a side dish at restaurants.

We had quite a lot of China Buffet since there's one in every town in America. The food is mostly good, but a lot of times i didn't eat half of it. It's something to get used to. I fell in love with Fried Rice though - it's the best thing ever!

I loved Golden Corral. It's also a buffet setting, but it's all pretty much homemade cooked food. There's the whole Sunday Lunch thing - pot roast, rice, chicken, sweet potato, green beans - then they have salads and desserts and steak and chicken pot pie and more veggies and asparagus. And you can eat as much as you like for only something like $11.99. It's so worth it! The only place we found it though was South Carolina.

The best places in America to eat are Steakhouses. We went to Logan's Roadhouse and Longhorn Steakhouse and everything we ate was exceptional. They're a bit more expensive, but so worth it.

Another restaurant i love is Panera. They specialise in Bread and they have the most amazing sandwiches in my opinion. And also very delicious soup! And they have yummy pastries that you can add to your order for only 99c.

Other restaurants I've been to is Applebees and O'Charlie's - both had real good food - and then I've also been to Red Lobster - since I'm not a big seafood fan, this wasn't the best place to eat for me.

One thing that is big in America is their Fast Food restaurants. It's just a fact: junk food is good. I tried not to have a lot of fast food, but sometimes that was all we could get to eat. Unlike South Africa, their KFC isn't that big and honestly not as good. McDonalds is pretty much the same. In South Africa we only have a handful of Fast Food places like the above mentioned and also Steers. In America they have A LOT more. They have a Wendy's (which is a lot more like South Africa's KFC), they have Taco Bell (delicious Mexican fast food), they have Zaxby's (probably like Nando's except not spicy), Bojangles (nothing compares to it here in SA, it's one of my favourite places), Arby's (i feel like they have a very Southern vibe with their food), White Castle (similar to McDonalds), Burger King (yum!) and Steak 'n Shake which is a Diner (very cool interior).

Americans in general are much more friendly and talkative than South Africans. In grocery stores especially they like to have a fat chat with you. They also drive with more respect - they don't sit on your tail and try to push you off the road like most South Africans do and they stop for any and all pedestrians when they want to cross the road. They don't speed (mostly). They just have more manners when it comes to the road than South Africans do.

And then of course there is the gun situation. Almost any American can buy and own a gun. They don't need to apply for a licence before they can get one; they can buy one if they have a driver's licence but it has to be concealed. And even if they do need a licence in some states, it's easier to apply for one than it is here in South Africa. So basically everyone you meet most probably has a gun or two at home. That's crazy.

Also their police presence is outstanding - and they are mostly all in very good shape (unlike some of our policemen). I think the reason they drive so well on the roads is because their traffic police are so strict and you don't get away with things like you do here in South Africa. If you don't pay a traffic fine, they will track you down and lock you up. Fact. It is pretty interesting to see. And another thing we saw frequently was members of their Military which was cool too.

The weather in America is crazy. When it rains, it pours; when it's hot, it's humid and scorching; when it's cold, it's freezing. It's almost like there is no middle and we've experienced this across every state we went to. The days where the weather was average were minimal. But one big thing about the weather is that there are a lot of storms - I experienced more storms in nine months in the US than I have my entire life in SA.

Another thing: it is cheaper to live in America (if you earn US dollars) than it is in South Africa (earning ZAR). For example, groceries for the month can easily work out to $200 - and a decent salary on minimum wage is never below $1200 a month. In South Africa if you earn R12000 a month, groceries easily works out to about R5000 a month if not more. That should put it all in perspective.

I think the biggest differences are mentioned in my post, I'm sure there are a lot more, but i can't think of anything right now. I'll keep updating where necessary!


Sunday, 30 November 2014

US Diaries: Florida Part 2

This was our second time this year in Viera, Florida, but this time it was Fall and not Spring. The difference is very little because it's always pretty warm and sunny in Florida, but this time it was a bit colder than last time for sure. We were lucky to be there because the rest of the country was pretty much buried in snow.

So after tear-down in Brunswick, we slept for six hours, then got up and drove to Viera. The bus broke down along the way, so instead of four hours, we drove about five. We were behind the bus, so it caused a delay, but not as much of a delay as for the people that were in the bus - they only got to Viera at eleven-o-clock that night, instead of five. So that sucked. The rest of the people had to pull wire (electricity) that evening for the bunkhouses.

We had to work on Monday - unfortunately - and Monday night we did laundry.

Monday's rainbow


Tuesday was our off day and there was an opportunity for us to go to Universal Studios - whoever wanted to go. It was kind of expensive to go - that's true - but i would do it all over again! It consists of two parks - Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure. You can buy a ticket to enter either one or both of the parks for the day. For one park it's $102 (incl. tax) and for both parks it's $144 (incl. tax) - so it's better to buy a ticket for both.

The parks close at seven at night, so because of the limited time we had to prioritise what to do. That really sucked - it would've been awesome to do everything in one day. If the waiting times were too long for some rides, then we would skip it or come back later depending on how bad we wanted to ride/see it. So the rides that we went on was The Mummy ride, the Harry Potter rides (there's five), Jurassic Park - altogether seven rides for the day. And then of course we got to see some amazing things like Diagon Alley, Marvel Superheroes, Suess Landing (Dr. Suess themed stuff), Transformers and more.











This day was beyond cool for me and I'm so glad that i could go!

The next day it was back to work and it was so for the next week basically. It was a fairly busy spot especially at the start and i also had a lot of work in the office to do since it was the last spot. On Monday we were closed due to rain, so we just stayed in and watched a movie.

On Thursday we visited the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. That was an amazing experience in itself too! The rockets and the shuttles are massive. It was just awe-inspiring to think that those things have been in space. And they had a shuttle launch simulator which was pretty intense! I wouldn't go to space - it's really big and scary! But it's amazing that humans are able to do it.











Our last day for the year was on Sunday. We opened at one, closed at ten-thirty and began tear down. The things in the office took forever to do the last night. People don't always believe me when it takes me the same time in the office as it does to tear down a ride, but admin is tedious at times and i had a lot of things to complete and get done before we go back to South Africa.

We finished around five, showered, got into bed around seven, slept three hours until ten and then had to be back at work for pay and i had some other things still outstanding to take care of. Around noon or one we decided to go to the mall one last time (it's more of a strip mall than an actual mall), but i didn't do any shopping. Then we got back to the lot, I went back to work and worked until about seven that night. We had a BBQ/Braai for one last time, then we went to pack and get everything ready for departure the next morning.

At four-thirty the next day we got up to pack up the bunkhouses and do the final packing. The bus arrived at six-thirty, we got on and were on our merry way to the airport in Atlanta. It was a seven-hour drive that went by so fast. Then at the airport we had to wait about six hours for our flight. We ate and shopped and ate and shopped and finally we boarded our plane.


It was an exhausting and long fifteen-hour flight. After watching three movies and taking one-hour on-and-off naps, we finally arrived in Johannesburg at six-thirty Wednesday night. We got our bags and were greeted by very eager, teary-eyed families. It felt surreal to be home. We were all so tired that you could hardly make sense of anything. My two aunties and uncles and my cousin came to greet me at the airport - it was a total surprise!

I still had to fly all the way to Cape Town and it was already past seven (after we got our bags and everything) so we went to check in and found that my flight had been delayed to nine-thirty instead of nine-o-clock. So we went to have coffee, then i said goodbye to my family, then i went to wait for my flight. It was delayed even more when i got to the gate - it was now boarding at nine-thirty instead of nine. So we only left Johannesburg ten o clock that night. I finally made it to Cape Town at midnight and by this time I was beyond exhausted.

My dad and my sister were waiting for me and it was so weird to see their faces - very unreal actually. My mom and brother were waiting up for me and it was good to be back home!

Now there's the struggle with jet lag - I really thought it won't be that bad, but it is really bad. That first night I couldn't fall asleep until four in the morning, then slept until about nine. I was tired again by two and took a nap until nine Thursday night. Then woke up and couldn't sleep until three Friday morning. Then at seven i woke up - wide awake - only went to bed midnight Friday. Then I was awake again Saturday morning at seven- thirty, but I was still tired, so I got up for about an hour-and-a-half and then went to back to sleep and slept until two-thirty the afternoon. This isn't just your usual laziness or tiredness; this is legitimate exhaustion - and confusion. Since we flew from West to East, the jet lag is worse. And if you travel forward in time for more than three hours, it takes longer for your body clock to readjust. It can take several days actually.

But besides my issues with sleep, it feels really good to be back home!!