One of the biggest issues we face in life is having high expectations about someone or something, and then instead all you get is disappointment. And no matter how many times you hear the expression 'expect nothing, appreciate everything', you struggle to understand and adopt that principle.
When I first got into a relationship my aunt's only advice was: "expect nothing". This baffled me in a big way because how do you expect nothing from someone - especially when it's someone you love or who loves you? We all have certain standards and expectations for ourselves and you automatically have those expectations from others. It's how we were made.
I recall that I used to live by that principle when I was younger - to expect nothing - because I told myself I would be happier and probably because i didn't have a very good self-esteem. I remember telling my sister this and in return got a very stern reply; she told me that it's not a very healthy way to live your life; not emotionally at least because you downgrade yourself to think you are not worthy.
At some point in my life I started having expectations again; I guess as I got older and started caring what others thought. So much so that now I'm constantly disappointed in people and in life. And I'm at a point where I'm asking myself the question: how do I expect nothing and appreciate everything in life?
I expect so many things from people around me; I expect people to care about the rules and I expect people to care about the work I do and the effort I make and I expect my boyfriend to behave a certain way. I expect people to consider the environment or to care about animals like I do.
In reality people don't seem to care about anything. They don't care about the rules, they don't care about the work, they don't care about the environment or animals because they've been raised differently or view the world differently or they are just tired of caring. And it's not wrong if they do it that way, it's just that maybe I need to separate myself from other people's viewpoints and not allow it to affect me. As long as I know what I believe and that at least I try.
I've had my fair share of disappointments from friends, family and colleagues in life and each time I've learnt a valuable lesson that has helped me to be a stronger person. I've learnt that sometimes being too close to friends can be toxic; I've learnt that no matter how much you want to help someone or be there for them or be nice to them; sometimes it's just not good enough. And not because you're a bad person or not worthy, but because they are self-centered, unappreciative and care only about themselves.
I think a big part of life is relationships and what to expect. I'm in a happy relationship, but I won't lie that I'm disappointed from time to time. And not because he disappoints or is a bad person or doesn't care, but because I expect too much. I want to be hugged and kissed 24/7 and I want to be his number one priority 365 days of the year. I want to be the only person he thinks of and gives attention to. But is that even real? Or possible? Maybe it is, but expecting that is setting yourself up for disappointment.
There is no doubt that men and women are different when it comes to these things. And the sooner us ladies except that men are different, the better for us. I've learnt to appreciate the little things - and of course the big things - but just all the things he does to show he loves me and cares for me. Because frankly no guy will buy flowers every weekend or pay for dinner every time or hold the door for you everywhere you go. Not because he is a bad boyfriend/husband, but because keeping that up is hard. And I don't expect my boyfriend to do things just because it is the universal 'image' that men have to uphold. I'm a strong woman who can open the door for myself and pay for our dinner at times and I don't let flowers indicate how much he loves me. Because I know he does. Because I can see it in his eyes and in the little things.
In the end I would rather have some expectation of people and of life; but never too much expectation. Just a healthy amount of expectation. And if you have expectations of someone and they end up hurting you; then it's time to re-evaluate your friendship/relationship; not lower your expectations. Because at the end of the day people are able to give 100% of themselves IF they care enough about something or someone.
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